poems.

i was going through some of my old notebooks and found these three poems i wrote

this one is from 4.3.08:

You're nothing, scum.
With all the horrible things you've done.
Kids love and adore you.
But you're nothing good to look up to.
Look at you. A big f*ck up.
Destined to die alone with no love.
You're so stupid, so foolish.
Think all these people are your friends, but they really just use you.
Don't you know they talk about you?
But you still wanna be like 'can I hang too?'
Maybe in the future I'll understand you more clearer.
D*mn I needa stop beatin myself up,
And step away from the mirror.

and these two are from 4.29.08:

So special.
Great looks, great personality.
You make me smile and laugh--happy.
As pretty as the big blue sky.
Smile as bright at the sun on a summer day.
We should take off and leave everyone else behind.
I see nobody but you when you're around.
Standing there in your greatness,
More handsome than the rest.
When we are apart, I feel a part of me is missing.
Let's Make this last forever.
Nothing else matters whe we're together.
But then I awake, realizing it was all a dream.
Only wishing I could have something,
So special.

I have this friend I feel so sorry for.
When I try to console her, she shuts me out more and more.
She's so miserable but I don't know why.
The thing she seems to do the most is cry, cry, cry.
But why, why why? Why can't she be happy?
Is this it for her? Is misery her destiny?
I hope not, because inside, this is really killing me.
And I know it's killing her,
She often thinks of killing her.
She doesn't see how special she really is to me.
Without her, there is no me.
But the worst part is...
This friend I'm writing about is really me.


that second one kind of makes me sick to my stomach when i think of who it was written about lol