Trade Places.

I'm starting to do this new lil thing called "point of view." It's forcing me to think before I say or do anything and a little bit after I do it. What it is, is that I think about how my actions will effect people or if I did something "wrong" to someone, I put myself in their place and wonder how I would feel if tehy had the same actions that I did. I think it's working. It's getting me to think more, ask more questions. I like that. But it's kind of fighting against my whole "speak up or get ran down" theory. Because I don't want to bite my tounge cause ain't nobody runnin over my anymore. So I'm gonna see how that works out, doing both. It's the battle of being nice or being real. Well, I'm out, no one is probably gonna read this anyway. It's just good to vent I guess.

I don't Even Know.

I'm trying to make use of this thing but it's not working out so well. I had been wanting one of these for a while now, because I thought I had somethin to say. But I guess not. I came to this strange realization a while ago. That I'm not as creative or as "different" as I would like to be. Like, I can do things like draw pictures, edit pictures in photoshop, or make videos. But I ALWAYS need some sort of inspiration. Never is it something that I can think of on my own. And it makes me sad because all that, that I thought was wrong. Ahh I don't know I'm just kind of rambling...

poems.

i was going through some of my old notebooks and found these three poems i wrote

this one is from 4.3.08:

You're nothing, scum.
With all the horrible things you've done.
Kids love and adore you.
But you're nothing good to look up to.
Look at you. A big f*ck up.
Destined to die alone with no love.
You're so stupid, so foolish.
Think all these people are your friends, but they really just use you.
Don't you know they talk about you?
But you still wanna be like 'can I hang too?'
Maybe in the future I'll understand you more clearer.
D*mn I needa stop beatin myself up,
And step away from the mirror.

and these two are from 4.29.08:

So special.
Great looks, great personality.
You make me smile and laugh--happy.
As pretty as the big blue sky.
Smile as bright at the sun on a summer day.
We should take off and leave everyone else behind.
I see nobody but you when you're around.
Standing there in your greatness,
More handsome than the rest.
When we are apart, I feel a part of me is missing.
Let's Make this last forever.
Nothing else matters whe we're together.
But then I awake, realizing it was all a dream.
Only wishing I could have something,
So special.

I have this friend I feel so sorry for.
When I try to console her, she shuts me out more and more.
She's so miserable but I don't know why.
The thing she seems to do the most is cry, cry, cry.
But why, why why? Why can't she be happy?
Is this it for her? Is misery her destiny?
I hope not, because inside, this is really killing me.
And I know it's killing her,
She often thinks of killing her.
She doesn't see how special she really is to me.
Without her, there is no me.
But the worst part is...
This friend I'm writing about is really me.


that second one kind of makes me sick to my stomach when i think of who it was written about lol

i guess this about...friendship?

i didn't really know what to call this since it ain't really about friendship, but it's about what so called "friends" be doin. so imagine you're sittin at home and a friend calls and asks you if you wanna go somewhere. you ain't doin nothin so you say yea. now remember, they called you. then you get in the car and they start talkin about kickin in gas money! they act like you called them sayin "take me here, here, and here." no, YOU called ME and asked if i wanted to join, so you were planning on driving, usin your gas, in the first place! regardless if i came with you or not. so don't try to pin gas money on the people you INVITED. i just thought that was really funny.